[Editor: Véro writes poems that tear at your insides yet expose essential truths. It is amazing that a French young woman from the Loire Valley can understand so deeply what I still can't comprehend... I cleaned up the grammar slightly at her request. The rest is all hers.]
I’ve only served my country
Thought I would kill our enemy
But in doing that I’ve committed a silent murder on me
Feel now like I don’t belong anymore to my species
Came back like an animal without instinct
Forgotten as soon as a beach footprint
How could I be proud of being American
When you don’t even see me like a human
On my flag, no more blue and stars
Only the blood riddled with white scars
Darkness grows in me like a perverted host
Getting me sucked between two worlds like a ghost
I eat food but my soul keeps starving
I sleep at night but without resting
I’m the living dead of the party, a dancing shadow
I can’t turn off the TV of my own freaking show
I feel so lonely in the crowd
Makes me want to scream out loud
But how can I tell, share, explain
When all I got is an invisible poison running through my veins
Flashes of the past eating my brain
That I spit out like venom to my family and friends
I’m my own harsh judge and executioner
I punish myself everyday harder
By taking drugs and alcohol that lengthen my agony
Of my personal jail I’ve thrown away the key
Now I’m an island lost in the sea
For my people an unknown territory
Guilt and despair are my only company
Feeding the permanent flow of bad lines in my memory
I can see no more light in all this shit
Finally, if I die could it be the worst of it
A last touch of the steel, a shotgun
And everything will end like it begun
Véronique
Subscribe to this comment's feed
An insightful account of an anonymous soldier's ordeal.
As a matter of fact, war is an authorised murder, where soldiers from both sides are victims. You don't kill an enemy, you kill a person that believes in his cause as much as you do in yours.
I once heard a story of a man, a binging drunkard who used to scare the living daylights out of his family and neighbours, rampaging along the streets and shooting his rifle.
He ruined his family's life, and yet the only sin he claimed he had on his conscience was having taken part in the slaughter of innocent Finns, with KGB guns pointing at his back to make sure he didn't falter in his resolve, during the Russian invasion of Finland.
'I shouldn't have survived', he grieved.
| < Prev |
|---|
Subscribe to RSS Feed
